Nobody is real

Utterly disappointed.

To the max.

I never thought things will turn out this way.

I've learnt never to trust people easily, again.

Bye Bye

This is for my people who just lost somebody,
Your best friend, you baby, your man or your lady.
Put your hand way up high, cause we will never say bye.
No no no. Mamas daddies sisters brothers friends & cousins,
this is for my people who lost their GRANDMOTHERS
Lift your head to the sky, cause we will never say BYE.

I was joking in the car with my sis, & we laughed hilariously.
Dad looked into the mirror & said,
"Ah ma passed away you guys can laugh till so happy hor"
I said not necessary people pass away must be sad & we cry.
Its a good thg for her actually.
She dont have to suffer alr!

When she is still around, rarely people visit her.
Like alone in the nursing home.
Though she may not rmb whats happening but that is kinda sad.
She became like this because
everyday in the nursing home staring into blanks.
Made her loose control of time,
of the world.

I wont deny when she is in there Im outside enjoying life.
Because it is the fact.
I kinda feel upset because I have never really accompany her.
Not at all. Despite our communications.
I just didnt do it.
If wanna say regret?
Everyhg is too late alr.

Shes gone.
Even if she happen to be still here I doubt anythg will change.
Everyone will continues to lead their lives.
It is only when they need to show face then they come out.
Just like today.

What for?
I do not want to pretend that I feel very upset.
The fact is Im abit happy for her.
Leaving this world, knowing she could join our long lost Grandpa.
Better than stuck in the nursing home.
Cant go anywhr.
& even if people visit her so what?
How long is one session?

Seriously, am i very sarcastic?
I think being ourselves is most impt.
Thats why I choose not to hide my feelings.
Want to laugh; laugh.
Want to joke; joke.
I dont have to sit down, face serious.
Wait for time to pass by.

Dad says this is call show face to people.
If not people think I disrespect.
It is true to what he says,
I want to do what; I do.
Didnt spare thoughts for others,
or care how people around me feels.

Maybe this is my weak point.
But I dare to say it is my strong point too.
Because I think Im more matured enough,
to accept setbacks.

My Shifu says we must generate positive energy.
No matter what you see, they are positive.
Because negative thought are like roots.
Once they get rooted, we find it hard to remove.
Sometimes it requires alot of enerygy to get it all out,
often we givup in getting them out,
& that made us worst.

I believe my own theory,
but people wont recognise.
We cant please everyone, right?

Loose up

So effing stressed, kinda dunno why.
I guessed the old feeling is back.
Keep coming one.

I wished I could turn back time.

& work like how I used to.

I fucking hate it right now.

Like Im being fooled or sth.

Lh says its temp measure.

Best if it is seriously.

If not I am not staying.

Any longer.

Keep telling myself dont givup no matter what.

But I realised I have been telling myself that for 2 yrs.

Kinda really cannot tahan esp

when Lh is no longer around with me

for the past 1/2 yr or so.

Without GC, WS.

not to mention the difference in fun.

The stress I have been facing,

god damn alone.

who really really cares when everyone is stressed up?

Fucking hate that halal.

really, to the core, to the max.

Just fuck off will they.

I guess not.

Fuck/

Tell me what do you see when you're looking at me.

Run For Hope

I did went for the run today.
Without sleep,
with felicia & terence.
plus some other colleagues.

When started, all I want is to complete the run,
without the need of stopping.
Because I know, after so long,
1 yr 10 months to be exact,
that I have not been doing any running,
A high possibilty that I might fiinish myelf there.

Without sleep, its really a torture,
the real torment is still have to finish 4km run.
I kinda saulute mysekf.
Being fat, I can still finish,
without stopping.
I AM CHAMPION!
Everyone are champions, though.

Fel wanted to PK me, wahha.
I quite confident I will win her cause,
she is those type who dont exercise,
those students who sit in the corner
chit chatting when everyone go for P.E lessons.
But, sadly at the last 1 m she ran past me la.
Though I can outrun the last min, but I didnt want to,
I am content enough because I can finish this 4km
plus Im so fat, plus without sleep.

Someone I have to salute thoroughly is Terence.
Same as me, he also didnt sleep.
He finish it at 15 mins,
a real runner.

To me, its not how good you say you're.
Its how well you convince people.
I dont have to say much to prove how good I am,
people judge & spread my goodness for me.
Though some may bad mouth,
but what matters are,
how well you can take it.
If you didnt, then why fret?
Be proud, because we know we are better
than those assholes!

There is no finish line if you forever
want to compete with people around you.
I take myself as a competitor.
This way I will know I have grown.
Maybe you have won,
but are those better than you?
"Dont pick on someone lousier, loser"

Addictive

Went clubbing last night with baby.
Before that went "supper" with zhenguang.
Actually is accompany him after our late dinner @ UE Square.

Last night Zirza was like empty.
Guess the reason because Poly students all schooling.
Pretty much boring, but we managed to entertain ourselves.
I drank Flaming Lambourghini & it was nice!

Now @ Iluma playing Pictionary with the staff.
They so funny & cute.
Drawing, guessing.
HAHA.

Guess Im so addicted to going clubbing liao la.
But always cant seem to find the right group of people.
Except Baby & My dearest GFs, JOL & TINE!

I miss them so much.
Tmr going to see them lo. But Im not teling whr,
in case got found out.
Wee.

shop shop

okay, today back at work again. tired !
still doing the submission.
i hate month ends! but somehow loved it.
the fact that im doing the payroll submission
indicates my salary coming !

then i can go shopping again!
that day= my offday..
i went shopping with lianhong.
i was never into heels.
till i tried on Zara's !
so comfy, & most important thing is pretty !
im not sure if i look good (which i seldom do),
but baby says its nice.
but i wonder if it was just say-say only.
but okay la, i trust him.

& i kinda want to buy!
omg, its 2oo bucks okay.
sound pretty crazy but,
i really liked it.
so comfy is the word la.

thinking & still thinking.
& i gotta also go down ion
some day on a weekday to
get some bras.
& also to topshop to find that
bangles i wanted so badly but
got it for someone else instead !

now no more liao, im pretty upset.
trying to go other topshops see have not.
okay, what more?
??
??

aiya, dont want to think anymore.
its getting so "late"
& i should be in bed alr !
working @ 3 ltr,
better turn in.


see ya !

MISSES

i miss so many people.
so many fun times.
so many beautiful memories.

I miss hanging out with JOL & TINE!!
OMG, much less clubbing with them.
i miss lianhong whom i have not met since tuesday!
okay, its wednesday? i dunno.

Things changed dramatically lot & i have no control over it.
why do i have to feel the changes?
why do i feel like giving up?
okay, i'll stop being emo.

i'll like to be more happy.
((:
tmr going to meet baby lo!
yeah.

& not forgetting my offday!
lalalala.

work is hectic, but still we gotta enjoy life right?
((: