what are friends for?

I extremely bored today.

I was at home this afternoon and i didnt plan anything for myself.
Even though i know im bored like hell i didnt try to find someone out.
(i dont like being fooled around.)
lh is busy with his friends which i think its a good thing.
cause he spend time with me almost everyday and
I doubt he have time for his friend.
partly i admit because i want it to be this way.
(HAHA.)
luckily his friends didnt mind (I guess so)
I so wanna thank him for being so nice to me.
When the world leaves me behind, he is always there. 
I dont know what else I could do,
but saying thank you.

anyway,
i was reminiscing all the while when i was home.
my mind and heart wanders through my memories.
the good times and bad times.
and i realises,
i didnt have alot of friends whom i can trust.
they are mostly shits.
Plastics like lh would address.
i have to admit that there are friends whom i really liked,
but it seems that im such a person (totally sucky)
nobody wanna befriend me.
and i pity myself, alot.
i've tried hard before for people to like me.
somehow i dunno why.

maybe because i really sucked.
not until when i was older and finally grew.
to see the world in black.
i've seen rainbows but they are all fakes.
they are just imaginations.
i've seen storms and experienced rainfalls.
they are utmost real.

I didnt know why my whole life turn out to be in blacks.
until i finally saw the real place for me.
that is staying beside him.
Happiness is nigh, certainly.
He didnt mind my wrongdoings,
my nonsensical behaviours,
or my wilfulness.
he cares unlike others and is always there!

oh anyhow, 
i wasnt home all the while.
i did went out to dinner for me and my
bloody sister okay.
one who knows how to find excuses,
who doesnt know what is "help",
a filthy, selfish being.
but still, she is still my bloody sister.
but why the hell?

i did went and helped my parents.
i went as a dish-washer.
so damn nice.
and i was busy reading lh's blog.
all of his previous entry.
(as if theres alot)
and saw this song "always"
by marc nelson which turn out to be nice.
soothing actually.
like the type backstreet boys to me. 
today was simply a day of
self reflect.

how much do i worth?
and every individual got to have a different price for me.
and i know it all.
it isnt measured by money.
its measured by heart and the actions you've made.
not by talking out loud, saying out nice.
its by sharing through feelings, emotions and time.

and i think i have alot of "zeros"
but what i really know is.
i dont worth much afterall.
yet i am everything to myself.
how mockingly so.

i am nothing to you guys.
and i felt really sad.